I love this picture from my TEDx talk The Healing Power of Rituals and Routines. I’m a big believer in the power of the word and so I began writing my daughter lunch notes in 2nd grade and it’s something I still do today. Every note ends the same, “Love, Dad.” There’s a lot of talk out there about girl dad’s, and anyone who’s read the research and literature on how important we dads can be to our daughters, should celebrate this uptick in daddy/daughter love. If the tragic loss of Kobe Bryant (a girl dad of all girl dads) puts a spotlight on the importance of being there for our daughters, then this may be his greatest legacy. And let’s not forgot that being a dad isn’t like the ice bucket challenge. It’s not enough to post a pic and profess our love. Being there for our daughters isn’t trendy, it’s everything.
So, what’s a girl dad look like? I suppose it’s different for each of us, and there’s certainly many ways to be a strong girl dad, and there’s no one size fits all answer, but here’s what it looks like for us.
Showing up. Not showing up some days, but every day. It’s about consistency. It looks like daily check ins “Howzit K-bear? What’s on your mind. Let’s talk.” It looks like six straight years of holding hands and walking in the front doors of her school together, never once doing a curbside pick-up or drop off in six years of elementary school. It looks like one tardy in seven years of school (my bike chain broke on our way to school that day). It looks like packing lunch every day, for seven straight years, just so she feels the love (shout out to Amanda for those tasty main course leftovers which make my job a hell of a lot easier). It looks like gluten free chocolate chip pancakes and traditional Hawaiian music every Sunday morning, even when you’re sick, have a migraine, and it necessitates whipping up batches at 5 AM pre-swim meet. It looks like the same bedtime routine every school night for seven + years (brush teeth, floss, read, listen to some Harry Potter on Audible and sing the same three songs on repeat until she falls asleep).
Being a girl dad is about providing love, goodness and stability—being a refuge. It’s about not getting mad or making them feel bad when they lose or forget something. It’s about encouraging, supporting and showering the love. It’s about making their path a little easier, their load a little lighter, their days a little brighter. It’s about showing up, every day, and always helping them know that they are enough. It’s about teaching core values. It’s about fostering a growth mindset. It’s about praising her effort and strength, her kindness and compassion, her big heartedness and hard work. It’s about honoring their pain, sharing their tears, giving hugs, validating and reassuring. And for us, it’s about those forehead to forehead touches—that’s where the magic is.
Pre open water ritual.
I can honestly say that being my daughter’s dad is my highest calling. There’s nothing I’ve ever done that has compared in terms of the importance and impact. And while I appreciate the gift I’m giving my daughter, by parenting intentionally and mindfully, the gift she’s given me is that tenfold. Being a dad to a bountiful, strong, sincere and kind-hearted little girl has made me a better man, a better husband, a better human. Like anything, being a girl dad is a process, there’s growth and maturity, we develop and get better, but the one essential to honoring the most important relationship we’ll ever be given is that we go all in.
Nothing makes me more proud than being ‘Daddy’ to my daughter. I always tell her, “It’s not what we do, but who we are that matters.” For those of us blessed enough to be girl dads, we’ll never know a more meaningful, memorable, or purposeful journey. Embrace it, because life’s about growth, evolution, and transformation, and nothing can help us grow, evolve and transform like being a girl dad. There’s no “who we are” that ‘matters’ more than showing up and showing out as girl dads.
WNbL, dad